Saturday, April 15, 2006
India Diary (Spring 2004)
Monday 3/22 I had a wonderful day today. Morning went to work at the daycare. It serves a large group of mentally handicapped kids from the surrounding community. Kate prepared me beforehand for some of the things she finds objectionable: rigid structure, lack of warmth from some of the caretakers. Unwilling ness to change or try new activities, even some raise hands and threaten to strike the children. But I found all in all a very nice and welcoming environment. Also they deal with a lot of kids who need a lot of attention. I still did observe the things she spoke of though. I was really glad Elanor was there. She is a community leader in Bangladesh, an older Irish woman, very no-nonsense type who’s been with L’arche for years and years. So she was able to say the things Kates been trying to say for a while, and people had to listen. Like at story hour “lets move these (wheelchair, or in this case just chair bound) kids into the circle so that Everyone’s included”. Said in a cheerful voice, but no mistake, it was an order. Also she encouraged the kids to act like the animals in the story, applauded them enthusiastically, and put a lot of energy into making Kate’s parachute idea a success while some other workers stood around and probably hoped it would fail (less work for them). Elanor was laughing and shouting and directing the kids to shake the parachute, and even got under it with us all when it became a tent. After daycare I took off to wander the streets of Northern Calcutta (the oldest part of town). Started at a Jain temple then walked my away down to a jam-packed street with lots of vendors, metalworks, trams, cars, carts, sweet shops, etc. Just wandered about down many narrow streets, thru markets, by the crumbling remains of statuesque colonial buildings. Waved to by teens, shouted to by children “hello hello!” (reminded me so much of Japan!) generally smiled at by women, sometimes scowled at by ancient wrinkled men. I was reluctant to take out my camera because every time I did I drew a crowd. But I did manage to get some great shots of Calcutta street life. I love how life is lived on the streets in this city. Everyone’s just hanging out, sleeping even, chatting, sitting surrounded by piles of vegetables, drinking tea from little clay cups, pissing, watching the world go by. And I was the afternoon’s entertainment for a few! I felt very capable after choosing a spot basically at random (how to choose one among so many options—maximize maximize maximize!), committing to it, getting myself there, then easily figuring which way to walk to get to my next destination (setting sun, shadows showing west) walking there, taking a long time but enjoying the journey. I didn’t see a single other foreigner after leaving the Jain temple, and I was walking through what I felt like was a little slice of daily life. Every small street I went down people looked up and me in sort of surprise, as if I had parted a curtain and caught them at something. I’m loving the feeling I’m getting that this is a city where people live, where they go about their daily, real, regular lives. Don’t know why this surprises me so much, but somehow it does! Last night I went on an outing to the park with Kate and Muneshwar where I got the same feeling of life, it reminded me of summer evenings at City Park in Iowa. Families with kids, couples strolling, teenagers on dates, etc. Muneshwar was all dressed up – pressed collared shirt, trousers, black shiny shoes. I had a great time.
3/23 Today was much rougher for me at daycare. The same worn out puzzles as yesterday (and I suspect the last few years) that the kids were forced to sit on mats and do first thing. No wonder Rita looks so bored and despondent. Tried really hard to engage her today. Of all the kids who are mobile and conscious, she seems the saddest. She’s autistic, very difficult to communicate with, but seems very much to want attention and to want to please. She always helps with dishes. She’s a very good child, but also very frustrating. Today she kept taking out her braid and hanging me the elastic with a grunt. She wanted me to braid her hair again and again. I would have been happy to do it, but looking closely at her hair I found it was absolutely crawling with life (lice!). Fear and disgust won out of compassion for a while and I found myself snapping “neigh neigh (no! No!) at a mentally impaired twelve year old child who just wanted to be touched and loved. I felt sick with myself, and also felt incompetent and impotent for not being able to handle her. I sort of made up for it later by swallowing my fear and picking her up and tearing around the yard with her squealing and laughing in my arms. That was great. But any time I paid attention to any other child she would retreat back into her shell or lash out at the other kids. I was pushing her on the swing, feeling good because I was making her laugh. I felt so good about myself I didn’t notice Bappi was standing right in front of me grabbing his crotch, desperate to go to the bathroom, and he’d been trying his best to communicate it to me for probably at least 15 minutes. By the time I caught on and got a male assistant to take him, it was too late. He bit me later, and I fully deserved it. So my fantasy of making a difference got a bucketful of cold water dumped on it. What can I expect when I show up for one week, play some games, tickle some kids, and thing I’m going to transform lives? Also frustrating: Akash shat himself and Kate got sprayed with water from the toilet brush all over her face when she took Rhea to the bathroom. I felt bad, but was secretly thanking every single one of my lucky stars that it wasn’t me! I was so glad to see the kids off at the end of daycare - and it was only three hours- and sit down to lunch (after an extremely thorough scrubbing of my hands. I am unsure whether the permanent daycare staff (all Indian) are failing the kids in some way or whether they are absolute saints for doing what they do day in and day out. After daycare the day got better. I had a good talk with Kate about how were were feeling, and talk a walk around the Mother Theresa compound (“home for the non-criminal insane” and all .) Also saw the workshop and hung out with the guys there and bought sweets on the way home with Beppi, and did yoga with Elanor before dinner. Then picked up Natalie at the airport in the evening.
3/24 Fantastic day! Did so much and saw so much without ever being stressed or feeling pressure to get it all in. Everything just sort of fell into place. Kate took a day off and she, Nat and I left after breakfast. We bought our train tix for the rest of the trip and got some money exchanged at the bang (the most inefficient, antiquidated, time consuming … grumble grumble). Then went to the Indian muyseum where we saw really cool old Buddhist statues and carvings jand semi disturbing semi comforting natural history exhibits. Then to New Market for some shopping and ate Dosa for the frist time for lunch. Then went to FabIndia, a cool free trade clothing shop where I got two Indian Kurtas (sort of ashirt/dress) so I don’t have to keep wearing Kate’s for the what is it now, sixth day? Then to Kali Temple, which was wicked! I can’t really describe it. Kali is the goddess of chaos and destruction, which sort of gives some idea of the experience. Had to go one at a time so someone could watch the shoes. waiting in a long line pushing and shoving, shoes off, wet slimy floor, herded up to the flower / incense / sweet sellers, supposed to buy some sort of offering? Then the crowd pushes us up to the statue of the god itself, which is in this sort of sunken room, I am stopped at the threshold, but with an offering am allowed to sort of lean over and look in. Make to get out the camera… NO! ok ok, sorry sorry… backing out… but trying to take in everything: the small crowded room, the chain of people snaking around the base of the statue of the god moving rhythmically to some unknown beat, the god itself: no face, no body, just a pair of slanted black eyes on a red background, the shuffling feet, the music and incense in the air, the feeling of being thisclose to the pulsing heart of something . … Then its out again into the late afternoon sunshine, a smear of orange dye on my forehead to meet Natalie and Kate fending off beggars and guarding my shoes. After the temple, we hopped on a bicycle rickshaw and went to the West Bengali film center where, by total dumb luck, we managed to see an outdoor performance of Indian classical music, and get tickets to a Bengali film “Alao- a ray of hope”. We met the mother of one of the lead actresses on the way out of the cinema. Bengali people seem very proud of their distinctive culture and language. Everyone we met at the cinema wanted to talk to us about this topic, the cultural heritage of their region, and their long tradition of art, poetry, and nowadays good cinema (contrasted with Bollywood). They all seemed really happy to see foreigners taking an interest in Bengali film. Then we went to Park Plaza Hotel for a drink, Kate’s first luxury in months, and to watch the end of the India Pakistan cricket match. The hotel bar was very swank, Kate seemed very disoriented having been living at Asha Niketan for so long and not having been to any place remotely like this since coming to India. We felt a little disoriented too – so much genteel wealth and privilege after so much squalor and chaos and vitality. There was restrained applause when the match finished with an Indian victory, while outside the streets were going mad with flags, drums, car horns, impromptu parades, and makeshift floats (20 people in and on top of and barely hanging onto one small car, trailing banners and runners behind). Also child beggars out in full force. Sharp contrast to the small children we met in the bar who said to us in almost perfect English “My mother’s doing a dolphin research project. She’s on TV on the discovery channel”. The same childlike eagerness to engage, extremely different circumstances. We got home through all the madness with the help of a taxi (windows rolled up) and hung out a bit with Sujit and Senjuay and Muneshwar on the second floor landing overlooking the celebration on the street through the window, wincing a bit at firecrackers, and having fun taking silly pictures with my camera. I feel like it was a charmed day. 3/25 Today was much better at daycare, though unfortunately not many kids were there. I spent a lot of time with Charlie, a boy with Cerebral Palsey who is confined to a chair and has very stiff arms and legs. I sang along to nursery rhymes, moved his hands and feet a bit. He tried really hard, lifterd his head multiple times, I applauded, think he was pleased because he was making clucking sounds with his tongue. We were definitely interacting. He apparently understands English and can say a few words thought speaking is difficult. Also a man from the community who’s an artist came and did coloring and painting with the kids. They absolutely loved it! It was such a difference from the puzzles (or coloring in a bunch of squares with us supposedly policing them to make sure they stay within the lines – what they hell!?) After daycare Nat and I had to run some errands, got money, bought a shawl to cover my arms and head, and got photos burned to CD. We got home by 5:30 to join the artist and the core members doing sculpture. Sculpture class was also so cool. Of course I was just dying to get my hands on the clay, but it was surpisingly difficult to keep it at the right consistency. I made a head and a foot. Next to me Muneshwar was in deep concentration making a gorgeous abstract piece that far surpassed all the other clumsy bears, bulls, snakes, pots, etc., mine definitely included. He’s really an amazing artist, and he also paints, mostly faces, and goes to art school (though he complains he should get paid like the members who go to the workshop!) After the art lesson it was time for Rajej’s birthday celebration. I don’t think I can do it justice here. But it was the most amazing thing to see a little boy all dressed in white like a prince, supposed to be seated in a sort of throne made from a chair draped with colorful cloth and surrounded by plants. But he’s so excited he keeps getting up and jumping up and down, commanding the center of the floor! Soon he has everyone dancing. Crazy jerky kinetic motion (Kate and me), older female assistants swiveling their hips and twirling their hands, some core members performing surprisingly skilled Indian dance moves worthy of a Bollywood music video. Everyone gave something to Rajesh, whether a dance, a speech, a song, or even just a handshake and a pat on the back. I don’t think I have ever been in a room so filled with love. Sincere love, friendship compassion, and people simply desiring to make an honest connection with one another. My mouth ached from uncontrollable grinning, and my eyes struggled to hold back tears. To be honest, up to that point I had not fully believed in the inherent dignity and worth of every individual, regardless of mental or physical capabilities. But as I watched the Asha Niketan community celebrate the life of a young man it seemed so crystal clear. Since then that clarity has slipped away a little, especially when I’m walking down the street pestered by dirty boys calling “hello hello madam yes please where are you going now?” But I hope I will be able to bring it back by holding onto the memory of the birthday party. After the party, we were invited to dinner with the missionaries of charity brothers, brother organization to Mother Theresa’s group. It was excellent food (chicken! Oranges!) and interesting to talk with the brothers. I can’t imagine being a nun or (what’s the male equivalent? Monk?) To put you life entirely in someone else’s hands, to be shipped off anywhere in the world and be expected to dedicate yourself to serving others. All that in addition to having to really really believe in an organized religion… Talked to a brother who’d been in Guatemala, he really wanted to go back, he spent years there, learned Spanish, learned the culture, and now he found himself sort of stranded in India, forced to start all over again. After dinner things got a little bit carried away with my digital camera. It’s a bit of a liability because the core members all want to play with it. I don’t mind, but then it starts to be all about the camera, and all about me because I can control it in and decide who to give it to. Me and the camera are the center of attention, and that’s not what I’m here for. Also it’s obvious to the assistants, if not to the core members, that it’s a very expensive camera (though it’s the cheapest model in Japan), which they keep commenting on. I think the head of Asha Niketan was upset with me for letting things get out of hand since Rham Babu has a history of becoming violent when something he wants is taken away from him. I feel really bad because that’s the last thing I wanted. I wish I had handled the situation better.
3/26 Last day in Calcutta. Daycare today was lots of kids! I felt very sad to be leaving because I’ve really grown attached to them this past week. I think I’ve made connections with a few, though they’ve probably meant a lot more to me than I did to them. Rita hugged me a bunch of times today. Also Tanvir and I had a lot of fun. I made sure he got to participate in the parachute. Kate’s parachute idea went really well, everyone was laughing and having squealing with excitement. I had to hold Tanvir the whole time, sort of supporting his weight with my thighs and knees, so he was in a semi-upright position. Plus keep one hand on the parachute to keep the handle from being wrenched out of his hand or from hurting him if he was unable to let go because his hands are so rigid. I also sat with Chenook at lunch and helped him eat… after he peed all over himself and I had to pull his pants off and get him cleaned up. I was proud of myself b/c I didn’t actually have to do it, his mom was there, but I didn’t want to treat her like some people here seem to: “you’re responsible for creating this kid, you clean his messes!” Once I’d made up my mind it was actually easy, no problem, even when he wrapped his sticky piss and dirt covered legs around my waist. Just smiled and kept going. After daycare we went to the net café, and before we knew it it was time to leave. When I left the house, Bepppi at first turned his head away, but when Mantu scolded him he smiled, bowed, and kissed my hand! Kate walked us to the taxi stand we said goodbye. I was very sad, if not tearful. I can never seem to muster the right emotional pitch for those intense transitional moments. I should have been bawling, I may not see Kate again for years. But it never fully hits me at the time, and I always feel like I’m faking it just a little bit. I wonder if it’s just me or if other people feel this way too. We took the night train to Varanassi, and had not problems. It was quite comfortable, even the squat toilet was kind of fun, what with the car rocking back and forth and the tracks flashing by below the open hole!
3/27 Varanasy. Had a tough time finding the hostel Vishnu and wasted a lot of time in an autorickshaw that took us halfway to Sarnath instead of to the pier where we wanted to be. Oops! Then once we got almost to the pier we had to transfer to a bike rickshaw, but soon the narrow streets and bovine congestion became too much even for the bike and then had to walk/stagger dragging our bags up and down uneven ghat steps. Vishnu had a room but it was dark and windowless and right by the kitchen. So had breakfast (lemon pancake – yum!) and went to see the Sisters. They fixed us up with a boatride to the hotel Temple on Ganges which had a very nice room with a great view of the river. Then had a long and intense nap! Then we were off the see the temples. We did a grand tour of Hanuman, Durga and Tulsi Manas temples. The sun was just setting, and the air was hot and wet. Huge crowds, music, incense, shoving and shouts and confusing gestures, oh no where are my shoes, oh crap we’re in the men’s line again! Vendors were pushing flowers, sweets, and other offering, masses of people pressed forward, surged towards the alter and other specific holy spots where they exchanged offerings for a handful of water to drink and splash on their head, and a smear of orange colored paint/powder for their foreheads. I sampled a tiny bit of the water – stupid, could have come straight from the Ganges! After three temples, the last one with animatronic figures acting out scenes from the Vedas, we went to dinner at a Lets Go recommended restaurant and got Masala Dosa and Uppadam (Indian Okonomiyaki!). Both yum. Then had dessert at an expensive and highly sketchy bistro (“your beer is coming… just as soon as we smuggle it into town, check the security cameras, and sweep the room for bugs/undercover police) to kill time before the start of a bollywood flick called “Woh". The movie was crap of course, the ticket seller even said so, but that’s what we wanted. We were apprehensive at first that it wasn’t a REAL Bollywood, so were delighted when the lead actor randomly burst into song after about fifteen minutes. Jackpot! We only made it through half of the movie though because we were so so so tired. 3/28 Today at 5:45am we took a boatride on the Ganga. It was fantastic! I took a ton of pictures of beautiful ghats lit bp by the rising sun, solitary fishermen, meditatiors, crowded steps, bathers, washerwomen, kids swimming, old swamis with long beards, the burning ghat where cremations take place. And beautiful old crumbling palaces and homes lining the riverbank. Afterwards we saw the golden temple from the roof of a silk shop (we were turned away a the entrance because we weren’t Hindu) and had a huge and salty lunch at a crowded vegetarian restaurant. This wasn’t a Let’s Go recommends, this was a “This place looks like its popular with the locals”. Then we went to Sarnath - again. But this time on purpose – to seethe spot where Buddha delivered his first sermon. We even saw what was supposedly the very same tree he sat under when he received enlightenment (or at least a tree grown from a sapling taken from the original). We also saw cool ruins of early Buddhist monasteries and temples, pluss a current Jain temple marking the spot of the 11th reincarnation of their god. We also had a funny intercultural experience in a little shop we went into because it had Japanese writing outside. Inside we met an Indian man who’s married to a Japanese woman and runs a shop catering to Japanese tourists and their endless quest for Omiyage (souveniers to bring back as gifts for friends and co-workers. Very important part of Japanese manners). This man had great business savy and definitely understands the Japanese. The shop was spotless, had air conditioning, and possibly the nicest bathroom on the subcontinent. He was very kind to us, spoke to us in Japanese and English. He also offered Japanese or Indian tea. The shop sold lots of Buddha figurines and chains made of brown jade. We thought this guy is a genius – of course Japanese people will come to Sarnath (and Chinese and Koreans too) to see this famous Buddhist site, and they will want to buy Buddhist memorablilia. Also they will be very comforted by the shop and the shop owner who knows how to treat them, speaks their language, and uses a no pressure sales technique. For us too it was such a relief from slimy vendors “yes madam yes verygoodprice” we were tempted to buy out the whole store. Good think there was nothing there I actually wanted. We came back later so Nat could buy a painting and the place was full of a busload of Ojisan and Obasan (grandfathers and grandmothers) all carrying thick stacks of American currency. Meanwhile Nat had brought along a wad of Japanese Yen! After Sarnath (and the worst autorickshaw ride ever! We had a nap then a stroll along the ghat to see the ritual offering of lowers and incense to Ganga. Apparently we’ve come near the end of a 9 day cycle of festival, offering, and fasting. Then we had a really nice dinner at the Sisters house. I’ll have to describe them later, because if I get started I’ll never stop! Then we went to bad early because we found ourselves totally exhausted again.
3/29 Last day in Varanai. We were sort of killing time until the 5:20 train. We did Yoga in the morning on the rooftop terrace of our hotel. Beautiful sunrise again over the river, and fresh breeze blowing. One of the sisters came by with letters for Japan and we invited her to have breakfast with us at the rooftop restaurant. I had a nice museli with Curd and bananas – antidote to all the potatoes and white rice and salt! Yogurt also good for the stomach, though I haven’t really had any troubles. Then I got my photos burned to CD which was a huge hassle but a huge relief because I’d run out of room on my camera and had to delete an old picture every time a wanted to take a new one. Then we did a bit of email and some Omiyage buying for our teachers back in Osaka. When I checked my email I got tons of responses to (finally!) sending out my Thailand photos, which was really nice. Then we went to the museum at Benares (another way to write Varanasy) Hindu University but had no luck listening to Sitar music. Then we had lunch at a Western café called Bread of Life. Felt a little guilty, but the Tuna Burger was so good! Then we went to the train station and caught the overnight train for Agra.
3/30 Ok food now seems to have become a dominant theme in my diary! Asha Niketan’s fare was pretty unremarkable: low cost ingredients, potatoes at every meal, tons of rice, chapattis if we were lucky. Meat only once or twice a week. But it was a lot of fun to eat: big silver dishes passed around, sitting in a circle on the floor, eating with our hands. Though the hand eating took some getting used to , especially with the constant fear of contamination, the black dirt caked permanently under my fingernails, never feeling 100% clean no matter how many times I washed my hands with industrial dish soap. It was also pretty unappetizing to observe the rice-massaging, and finger slurping and scraping habits of my dinner companions. Anyway, since Asha Niketan eating has become much more of an adventure. Every meal is a potential case of food poisoning. But there are so many choices! So many unfamiliar names and intriguing combinations. Ordering food is like a little drama in three acts: the decision (often anguished), the waiting (regret, hope, fear), and the climax/denoument (does the food live up to expectations? Any after effects?) Last night on the train we had high hopes for the train dinner. There’s something about sitting down and having food brought to you that is very appealing, especially when I don’t have to make up my mind about what to order. No chance of getting the wrong thing. I guess I enjoy the feeling of being taken care of. Anyway if was a bit of a disappontment: way too much salt in the curries. I slept really well on the train, but we were late in getting into Agra by about 2 hours. We missed sunrise over the Taj, but got a great view of it from the roof of our hostel. There was more food drama at breakfast, but ended up scrapping with delicious banana crepes. Then set out for Agra Fort. It was very cool to just wander through ancient courtyards and along spectacularly carved balconies and ramparts. There was a great view of the river bed, a broad flat dry plain, and the Taj in the distance. I imagined being a soldier or king in ancient times looking out over this same vista and seeing advancing armies, or playing chess in cool evenings on the terrace reclining on silk cushions and watching harem girls dance to dense drumbeats. Then we went across the river to see the “Baby Taj” and to see the Taj itself from the back side. It was a great view and I got a good picture. But I still want to go in! After much debate, we decided to let our autorickshaw driver take us along for a scam. We agreed to look at one marble shop in exchange for delivery to baby taj, taj back view, and main market, all for 70 rupees, waiting included. The marble shop was kind of fun, everything was way out of our price range but we got to see how the make the inlaid jewelry boxes, tables, coaters, etc and also got to observe an interesting sales pitch. It was only about 10 minutes. But then the driver got tricky and tried to take us to another store, and we got testy and said no just the market please. Turns out when we got there that the market is closed on Tuesdays, just a bunch of closed up shops and stalls, which he conveniently forgot to mention beforehand. So we sort of got scammed anyway. Think he intended to use the closed market as leverage to get us to agrree to go with him to other stores. But after much impassioned shouting and hand waving we ended up getting him to take us to our chosen restaurant, Zorba the Buddha and had an excellent lunch including Banana Cinnamon Coffee and absolutely heavenly nan made with yogurt. Let’s Go steered us right again. Surprised to see our driver waiting for us when we left the restaurant, offering to take us to another destination. Thought he’s had enough of us and definitely thought he would have picked up that we’d had enough of him. Then we went back to the hotel after more fighting with Rickshaw wallahs – getting OLD!- and showered before heading off to the Taj. We wanted to look our best for India’s most famous attraction! The Taj was nothing short of fabulous. Everything they say about it is true, and then some. I was walking around the whole time with “I’m at the Taj Mahal...I’m at the Taj Mahal…I’m at the Taj Mahal...” running through my head! It was also surprisingly peaceful and serene.
The entry ends here because the my diary was stolen before I finished typing it up (no not in India, in freaking Japan!) I was riding my bike with my purse in the basket, and two kids pulled up next to me on a scooter and snatched it. I was livid - went chasing after them down the street screaming in Japanese... I'm sure it was a funny sight. They were too fast though, and got away. I lost my camera, a bit of money, my hanko (gasp!) and my diary. But at lesast they didn't take my vegetables. The story of my encounter with the police (who took the whole thing very seriously) will have to go mostly untold. But it involved my mugshot (full body: front, side, and back), description of my "mini skirt", photos of me at the scene of the crime and numerous versions of a statement that they kept trying to get me to sign even though parts of it were completely false and practically called for life in prison for those poor stupid kids (who did eventually get caught, but did I get my stuff back?...noooo!). I said I wouldn't sign it until they took out all the stuff about the poor foreigner whose impression of Japan was ruined, and how I implored the court that they be punished severely. I didn't want contribute to ruining their lives. They probably ended up screwed anyway, they'd been doing this to a lot of other people. One conviciton in Japan, even as a youth, is all it takes to ruin your future prospects. I never did find out what happened to them though. ¶ 9:35 PM
Monday 3/22 I had a wonderful day today. Morning went to work at the daycare. It serves a large group of mentally handicapped kids from the surrounding community. Kate prepared me beforehand for some of the things she finds objectionable: rigid structure, lack of warmth from some of the caretakers. Unwilling ness to change or try new activities, even some raise hands and threaten to strike the children. But I found all in all a very nice and welcoming environment. Also they deal with a lot of kids who need a lot of attention. I still did observe the things she spoke of though. I was really glad Elanor was there. She is a community leader in Bangladesh, an older Irish woman, very no-nonsense type who’s been with L’arche for years and years. So she was able to say the things Kates been trying to say for a while, and people had to listen. Like at story hour “lets move these (wheelchair, or in this case just chair bound) kids into the circle so that Everyone’s included”. Said in a cheerful voice, but no mistake, it was an order. Also she encouraged the kids to act like the animals in the story, applauded them enthusiastically, and put a lot of energy into making Kate’s parachute idea a success while some other workers stood around and probably hoped it would fail (less work for them). Elanor was laughing and shouting and directing the kids to shake the parachute, and even got under it with us all when it became a tent. After daycare I took off to wander the streets of Northern Calcutta (the oldest part of town). Started at a Jain temple then walked my away down to a jam-packed street with lots of vendors, metalworks, trams, cars, carts, sweet shops, etc. Just wandered about down many narrow streets, thru markets, by the crumbling remains of statuesque colonial buildings. Waved to by teens, shouted to by children “hello hello!” (reminded me so much of Japan!) generally smiled at by women, sometimes scowled at by ancient wrinkled men. I was reluctant to take out my camera because every time I did I drew a crowd. But I did manage to get some great shots of Calcutta street life. I love how life is lived on the streets in this city. Everyone’s just hanging out, sleeping even, chatting, sitting surrounded by piles of vegetables, drinking tea from little clay cups, pissing, watching the world go by. And I was the afternoon’s entertainment for a few! I felt very capable after choosing a spot basically at random (how to choose one among so many options—maximize maximize maximize!), committing to it, getting myself there, then easily figuring which way to walk to get to my next destination (setting sun, shadows showing west) walking there, taking a long time but enjoying the journey. I didn’t see a single other foreigner after leaving the Jain temple, and I was walking through what I felt like was a little slice of daily life. Every small street I went down people looked up and me in sort of surprise, as if I had parted a curtain and caught them at something. I’m loving the feeling I’m getting that this is a city where people live, where they go about their daily, real, regular lives. Don’t know why this surprises me so much, but somehow it does! Last night I went on an outing to the park with Kate and Muneshwar where I got the same feeling of life, it reminded me of summer evenings at City Park in Iowa. Families with kids, couples strolling, teenagers on dates, etc. Muneshwar was all dressed up – pressed collared shirt, trousers, black shiny shoes. I had a great time.
3/23 Today was much rougher for me at daycare. The same worn out puzzles as yesterday (and I suspect the last few years) that the kids were forced to sit on mats and do first thing. No wonder Rita looks so bored and despondent. Tried really hard to engage her today. Of all the kids who are mobile and conscious, she seems the saddest. She’s autistic, very difficult to communicate with, but seems very much to want attention and to want to please. She always helps with dishes. She’s a very good child, but also very frustrating. Today she kept taking out her braid and hanging me the elastic with a grunt. She wanted me to braid her hair again and again. I would have been happy to do it, but looking closely at her hair I found it was absolutely crawling with life (lice!). Fear and disgust won out of compassion for a while and I found myself snapping “neigh neigh (no! No!) at a mentally impaired twelve year old child who just wanted to be touched and loved. I felt sick with myself, and also felt incompetent and impotent for not being able to handle her. I sort of made up for it later by swallowing my fear and picking her up and tearing around the yard with her squealing and laughing in my arms. That was great. But any time I paid attention to any other child she would retreat back into her shell or lash out at the other kids. I was pushing her on the swing, feeling good because I was making her laugh. I felt so good about myself I didn’t notice Bappi was standing right in front of me grabbing his crotch, desperate to go to the bathroom, and he’d been trying his best to communicate it to me for probably at least 15 minutes. By the time I caught on and got a male assistant to take him, it was too late. He bit me later, and I fully deserved it. So my fantasy of making a difference got a bucketful of cold water dumped on it. What can I expect when I show up for one week, play some games, tickle some kids, and thing I’m going to transform lives? Also frustrating: Akash shat himself and Kate got sprayed with water from the toilet brush all over her face when she took Rhea to the bathroom. I felt bad, but was secretly thanking every single one of my lucky stars that it wasn’t me! I was so glad to see the kids off at the end of daycare - and it was only three hours- and sit down to lunch (after an extremely thorough scrubbing of my hands. I am unsure whether the permanent daycare staff (all Indian) are failing the kids in some way or whether they are absolute saints for doing what they do day in and day out. After daycare the day got better. I had a good talk with Kate about how were were feeling, and talk a walk around the Mother Theresa compound (“home for the non-criminal insane” and all .) Also saw the workshop and hung out with the guys there and bought sweets on the way home with Beppi, and did yoga with Elanor before dinner. Then picked up Natalie at the airport in the evening.
3/24 Fantastic day! Did so much and saw so much without ever being stressed or feeling pressure to get it all in. Everything just sort of fell into place. Kate took a day off and she, Nat and I left after breakfast. We bought our train tix for the rest of the trip and got some money exchanged at the bang (the most inefficient, antiquidated, time consuming … grumble grumble). Then went to the Indian muyseum where we saw really cool old Buddhist statues and carvings jand semi disturbing semi comforting natural history exhibits. Then to New Market for some shopping and ate Dosa for the frist time for lunch. Then went to FabIndia, a cool free trade clothing shop where I got two Indian Kurtas (sort of ashirt/dress) so I don’t have to keep wearing Kate’s for the what is it now, sixth day? Then to Kali Temple, which was wicked! I can’t really describe it. Kali is the goddess of chaos and destruction, which sort of gives some idea of the experience. Had to go one at a time so someone could watch the shoes. waiting in a long line pushing and shoving, shoes off, wet slimy floor, herded up to the flower / incense / sweet sellers, supposed to buy some sort of offering? Then the crowd pushes us up to the statue of the god itself, which is in this sort of sunken room, I am stopped at the threshold, but with an offering am allowed to sort of lean over and look in. Make to get out the camera… NO! ok ok, sorry sorry… backing out… but trying to take in everything: the small crowded room, the chain of people snaking around the base of the statue of the god moving rhythmically to some unknown beat, the god itself: no face, no body, just a pair of slanted black eyes on a red background, the shuffling feet, the music and incense in the air, the feeling of being thisclose to the pulsing heart of something . … Then its out again into the late afternoon sunshine, a smear of orange dye on my forehead to meet Natalie and Kate fending off beggars and guarding my shoes. After the temple, we hopped on a bicycle rickshaw and went to the West Bengali film center where, by total dumb luck, we managed to see an outdoor performance of Indian classical music, and get tickets to a Bengali film “Alao- a ray of hope”. We met the mother of one of the lead actresses on the way out of the cinema. Bengali people seem very proud of their distinctive culture and language. Everyone we met at the cinema wanted to talk to us about this topic, the cultural heritage of their region, and their long tradition of art, poetry, and nowadays good cinema (contrasted with Bollywood). They all seemed really happy to see foreigners taking an interest in Bengali film. Then we went to Park Plaza Hotel for a drink, Kate’s first luxury in months, and to watch the end of the India Pakistan cricket match. The hotel bar was very swank, Kate seemed very disoriented having been living at Asha Niketan for so long and not having been to any place remotely like this since coming to India. We felt a little disoriented too – so much genteel wealth and privilege after so much squalor and chaos and vitality. There was restrained applause when the match finished with an Indian victory, while outside the streets were going mad with flags, drums, car horns, impromptu parades, and makeshift floats (20 people in and on top of and barely hanging onto one small car, trailing banners and runners behind). Also child beggars out in full force. Sharp contrast to the small children we met in the bar who said to us in almost perfect English “My mother’s doing a dolphin research project. She’s on TV on the discovery channel”. The same childlike eagerness to engage, extremely different circumstances. We got home through all the madness with the help of a taxi (windows rolled up) and hung out a bit with Sujit and Senjuay and Muneshwar on the second floor landing overlooking the celebration on the street through the window, wincing a bit at firecrackers, and having fun taking silly pictures with my camera. I feel like it was a charmed day. 3/25 Today was much better at daycare, though unfortunately not many kids were there. I spent a lot of time with Charlie, a boy with Cerebral Palsey who is confined to a chair and has very stiff arms and legs. I sang along to nursery rhymes, moved his hands and feet a bit. He tried really hard, lifterd his head multiple times, I applauded, think he was pleased because he was making clucking sounds with his tongue. We were definitely interacting. He apparently understands English and can say a few words thought speaking is difficult. Also a man from the community who’s an artist came and did coloring and painting with the kids. They absolutely loved it! It was such a difference from the puzzles (or coloring in a bunch of squares with us supposedly policing them to make sure they stay within the lines – what they hell!?) After daycare Nat and I had to run some errands, got money, bought a shawl to cover my arms and head, and got photos burned to CD. We got home by 5:30 to join the artist and the core members doing sculpture. Sculpture class was also so cool. Of course I was just dying to get my hands on the clay, but it was surpisingly difficult to keep it at the right consistency. I made a head and a foot. Next to me Muneshwar was in deep concentration making a gorgeous abstract piece that far surpassed all the other clumsy bears, bulls, snakes, pots, etc., mine definitely included. He’s really an amazing artist, and he also paints, mostly faces, and goes to art school (though he complains he should get paid like the members who go to the workshop!) After the art lesson it was time for Rajej’s birthday celebration. I don’t think I can do it justice here. But it was the most amazing thing to see a little boy all dressed in white like a prince, supposed to be seated in a sort of throne made from a chair draped with colorful cloth and surrounded by plants. But he’s so excited he keeps getting up and jumping up and down, commanding the center of the floor! Soon he has everyone dancing. Crazy jerky kinetic motion (Kate and me), older female assistants swiveling their hips and twirling their hands, some core members performing surprisingly skilled Indian dance moves worthy of a Bollywood music video. Everyone gave something to Rajesh, whether a dance, a speech, a song, or even just a handshake and a pat on the back. I don’t think I have ever been in a room so filled with love. Sincere love, friendship compassion, and people simply desiring to make an honest connection with one another. My mouth ached from uncontrollable grinning, and my eyes struggled to hold back tears. To be honest, up to that point I had not fully believed in the inherent dignity and worth of every individual, regardless of mental or physical capabilities. But as I watched the Asha Niketan community celebrate the life of a young man it seemed so crystal clear. Since then that clarity has slipped away a little, especially when I’m walking down the street pestered by dirty boys calling “hello hello madam yes please where are you going now?” But I hope I will be able to bring it back by holding onto the memory of the birthday party. After the party, we were invited to dinner with the missionaries of charity brothers, brother organization to Mother Theresa’s group. It was excellent food (chicken! Oranges!) and interesting to talk with the brothers. I can’t imagine being a nun or (what’s the male equivalent? Monk?) To put you life entirely in someone else’s hands, to be shipped off anywhere in the world and be expected to dedicate yourself to serving others. All that in addition to having to really really believe in an organized religion… Talked to a brother who’d been in Guatemala, he really wanted to go back, he spent years there, learned Spanish, learned the culture, and now he found himself sort of stranded in India, forced to start all over again. After dinner things got a little bit carried away with my digital camera. It’s a bit of a liability because the core members all want to play with it. I don’t mind, but then it starts to be all about the camera, and all about me because I can control it in and decide who to give it to. Me and the camera are the center of attention, and that’s not what I’m here for. Also it’s obvious to the assistants, if not to the core members, that it’s a very expensive camera (though it’s the cheapest model in Japan), which they keep commenting on. I think the head of Asha Niketan was upset with me for letting things get out of hand since Rham Babu has a history of becoming violent when something he wants is taken away from him. I feel really bad because that’s the last thing I wanted. I wish I had handled the situation better.
3/26 Last day in Calcutta. Daycare today was lots of kids! I felt very sad to be leaving because I’ve really grown attached to them this past week. I think I’ve made connections with a few, though they’ve probably meant a lot more to me than I did to them. Rita hugged me a bunch of times today. Also Tanvir and I had a lot of fun. I made sure he got to participate in the parachute. Kate’s parachute idea went really well, everyone was laughing and having squealing with excitement. I had to hold Tanvir the whole time, sort of supporting his weight with my thighs and knees, so he was in a semi-upright position. Plus keep one hand on the parachute to keep the handle from being wrenched out of his hand or from hurting him if he was unable to let go because his hands are so rigid. I also sat with Chenook at lunch and helped him eat… after he peed all over himself and I had to pull his pants off and get him cleaned up. I was proud of myself b/c I didn’t actually have to do it, his mom was there, but I didn’t want to treat her like some people here seem to: “you’re responsible for creating this kid, you clean his messes!” Once I’d made up my mind it was actually easy, no problem, even when he wrapped his sticky piss and dirt covered legs around my waist. Just smiled and kept going. After daycare we went to the net café, and before we knew it it was time to leave. When I left the house, Bepppi at first turned his head away, but when Mantu scolded him he smiled, bowed, and kissed my hand! Kate walked us to the taxi stand we said goodbye. I was very sad, if not tearful. I can never seem to muster the right emotional pitch for those intense transitional moments. I should have been bawling, I may not see Kate again for years. But it never fully hits me at the time, and I always feel like I’m faking it just a little bit. I wonder if it’s just me or if other people feel this way too. We took the night train to Varanassi, and had not problems. It was quite comfortable, even the squat toilet was kind of fun, what with the car rocking back and forth and the tracks flashing by below the open hole!
3/27 Varanasy. Had a tough time finding the hostel Vishnu and wasted a lot of time in an autorickshaw that took us halfway to Sarnath instead of to the pier where we wanted to be. Oops! Then once we got almost to the pier we had to transfer to a bike rickshaw, but soon the narrow streets and bovine congestion became too much even for the bike and then had to walk/stagger dragging our bags up and down uneven ghat steps. Vishnu had a room but it was dark and windowless and right by the kitchen. So had breakfast (lemon pancake – yum!) and went to see the Sisters. They fixed us up with a boatride to the hotel Temple on Ganges which had a very nice room with a great view of the river. Then had a long and intense nap! Then we were off the see the temples. We did a grand tour of Hanuman, Durga and Tulsi Manas temples. The sun was just setting, and the air was hot and wet. Huge crowds, music, incense, shoving and shouts and confusing gestures, oh no where are my shoes, oh crap we’re in the men’s line again! Vendors were pushing flowers, sweets, and other offering, masses of people pressed forward, surged towards the alter and other specific holy spots where they exchanged offerings for a handful of water to drink and splash on their head, and a smear of orange colored paint/powder for their foreheads. I sampled a tiny bit of the water – stupid, could have come straight from the Ganges! After three temples, the last one with animatronic figures acting out scenes from the Vedas, we went to dinner at a Lets Go recommended restaurant and got Masala Dosa and Uppadam (Indian Okonomiyaki!). Both yum. Then had dessert at an expensive and highly sketchy bistro (“your beer is coming… just as soon as we smuggle it into town, check the security cameras, and sweep the room for bugs/undercover police) to kill time before the start of a bollywood flick called “Woh". The movie was crap of course, the ticket seller even said so, but that’s what we wanted. We were apprehensive at first that it wasn’t a REAL Bollywood, so were delighted when the lead actor randomly burst into song after about fifteen minutes. Jackpot! We only made it through half of the movie though because we were so so so tired. 3/28 Today at 5:45am we took a boatride on the Ganga. It was fantastic! I took a ton of pictures of beautiful ghats lit bp by the rising sun, solitary fishermen, meditatiors, crowded steps, bathers, washerwomen, kids swimming, old swamis with long beards, the burning ghat where cremations take place. And beautiful old crumbling palaces and homes lining the riverbank. Afterwards we saw the golden temple from the roof of a silk shop (we were turned away a the entrance because we weren’t Hindu) and had a huge and salty lunch at a crowded vegetarian restaurant. This wasn’t a Let’s Go recommends, this was a “This place looks like its popular with the locals”. Then we went to Sarnath - again. But this time on purpose – to seethe spot where Buddha delivered his first sermon. We even saw what was supposedly the very same tree he sat under when he received enlightenment (or at least a tree grown from a sapling taken from the original). We also saw cool ruins of early Buddhist monasteries and temples, pluss a current Jain temple marking the spot of the 11th reincarnation of their god. We also had a funny intercultural experience in a little shop we went into because it had Japanese writing outside. Inside we met an Indian man who’s married to a Japanese woman and runs a shop catering to Japanese tourists and their endless quest for Omiyage (souveniers to bring back as gifts for friends and co-workers. Very important part of Japanese manners). This man had great business savy and definitely understands the Japanese. The shop was spotless, had air conditioning, and possibly the nicest bathroom on the subcontinent. He was very kind to us, spoke to us in Japanese and English. He also offered Japanese or Indian tea. The shop sold lots of Buddha figurines and chains made of brown jade. We thought this guy is a genius – of course Japanese people will come to Sarnath (and Chinese and Koreans too) to see this famous Buddhist site, and they will want to buy Buddhist memorablilia. Also they will be very comforted by the shop and the shop owner who knows how to treat them, speaks their language, and uses a no pressure sales technique. For us too it was such a relief from slimy vendors “yes madam yes verygoodprice” we were tempted to buy out the whole store. Good think there was nothing there I actually wanted. We came back later so Nat could buy a painting and the place was full of a busload of Ojisan and Obasan (grandfathers and grandmothers) all carrying thick stacks of American currency. Meanwhile Nat had brought along a wad of Japanese Yen! After Sarnath (and the worst autorickshaw ride ever! We had a nap then a stroll along the ghat to see the ritual offering of lowers and incense to Ganga. Apparently we’ve come near the end of a 9 day cycle of festival, offering, and fasting. Then we had a really nice dinner at the Sisters house. I’ll have to describe them later, because if I get started I’ll never stop! Then we went to bad early because we found ourselves totally exhausted again.
3/29 Last day in Varanai. We were sort of killing time until the 5:20 train. We did Yoga in the morning on the rooftop terrace of our hotel. Beautiful sunrise again over the river, and fresh breeze blowing. One of the sisters came by with letters for Japan and we invited her to have breakfast with us at the rooftop restaurant. I had a nice museli with Curd and bananas – antidote to all the potatoes and white rice and salt! Yogurt also good for the stomach, though I haven’t really had any troubles. Then I got my photos burned to CD which was a huge hassle but a huge relief because I’d run out of room on my camera and had to delete an old picture every time a wanted to take a new one. Then we did a bit of email and some Omiyage buying for our teachers back in Osaka. When I checked my email I got tons of responses to (finally!) sending out my Thailand photos, which was really nice. Then we went to the museum at Benares (another way to write Varanasy) Hindu University but had no luck listening to Sitar music. Then we had lunch at a Western café called Bread of Life. Felt a little guilty, but the Tuna Burger was so good! Then we went to the train station and caught the overnight train for Agra.
3/30 Ok food now seems to have become a dominant theme in my diary! Asha Niketan’s fare was pretty unremarkable: low cost ingredients, potatoes at every meal, tons of rice, chapattis if we were lucky. Meat only once or twice a week. But it was a lot of fun to eat: big silver dishes passed around, sitting in a circle on the floor, eating with our hands. Though the hand eating took some getting used to , especially with the constant fear of contamination, the black dirt caked permanently under my fingernails, never feeling 100% clean no matter how many times I washed my hands with industrial dish soap. It was also pretty unappetizing to observe the rice-massaging, and finger slurping and scraping habits of my dinner companions. Anyway, since Asha Niketan eating has become much more of an adventure. Every meal is a potential case of food poisoning. But there are so many choices! So many unfamiliar names and intriguing combinations. Ordering food is like a little drama in three acts: the decision (often anguished), the waiting (regret, hope, fear), and the climax/denoument (does the food live up to expectations? Any after effects?) Last night on the train we had high hopes for the train dinner. There’s something about sitting down and having food brought to you that is very appealing, especially when I don’t have to make up my mind about what to order. No chance of getting the wrong thing. I guess I enjoy the feeling of being taken care of. Anyway if was a bit of a disappontment: way too much salt in the curries. I slept really well on the train, but we were late in getting into Agra by about 2 hours. We missed sunrise over the Taj, but got a great view of it from the roof of our hostel. There was more food drama at breakfast, but ended up scrapping with delicious banana crepes. Then set out for Agra Fort. It was very cool to just wander through ancient courtyards and along spectacularly carved balconies and ramparts. There was a great view of the river bed, a broad flat dry plain, and the Taj in the distance. I imagined being a soldier or king in ancient times looking out over this same vista and seeing advancing armies, or playing chess in cool evenings on the terrace reclining on silk cushions and watching harem girls dance to dense drumbeats. Then we went across the river to see the “Baby Taj” and to see the Taj itself from the back side. It was a great view and I got a good picture. But I still want to go in! After much debate, we decided to let our autorickshaw driver take us along for a scam. We agreed to look at one marble shop in exchange for delivery to baby taj, taj back view, and main market, all for 70 rupees, waiting included. The marble shop was kind of fun, everything was way out of our price range but we got to see how the make the inlaid jewelry boxes, tables, coaters, etc and also got to observe an interesting sales pitch. It was only about 10 minutes. But then the driver got tricky and tried to take us to another store, and we got testy and said no just the market please. Turns out when we got there that the market is closed on Tuesdays, just a bunch of closed up shops and stalls, which he conveniently forgot to mention beforehand. So we sort of got scammed anyway. Think he intended to use the closed market as leverage to get us to agrree to go with him to other stores. But after much impassioned shouting and hand waving we ended up getting him to take us to our chosen restaurant, Zorba the Buddha and had an excellent lunch including Banana Cinnamon Coffee and absolutely heavenly nan made with yogurt. Let’s Go steered us right again. Surprised to see our driver waiting for us when we left the restaurant, offering to take us to another destination. Thought he’s had enough of us and definitely thought he would have picked up that we’d had enough of him. Then we went back to the hotel after more fighting with Rickshaw wallahs – getting OLD!- and showered before heading off to the Taj. We wanted to look our best for India’s most famous attraction! The Taj was nothing short of fabulous. Everything they say about it is true, and then some. I was walking around the whole time with “I’m at the Taj Mahal...I’m at the Taj Mahal…I’m at the Taj Mahal...” running through my head! It was also surprisingly peaceful and serene.
The entry ends here because the my diary was stolen before I finished typing it up (no not in India, in freaking Japan!) I was riding my bike with my purse in the basket, and two kids pulled up next to me on a scooter and snatched it. I was livid - went chasing after them down the street screaming in Japanese... I'm sure it was a funny sight. They were too fast though, and got away. I lost my camera, a bit of money, my hanko (gasp!) and my diary. But at lesast they didn't take my vegetables. The story of my encounter with the police (who took the whole thing very seriously) will have to go mostly untold. But it involved my mugshot (full body: front, side, and back), description of my "mini skirt", photos of me at the scene of the crime and numerous versions of a statement that they kept trying to get me to sign even though parts of it were completely false and practically called for life in prison for those poor stupid kids (who did eventually get caught, but did I get my stuff back?...noooo!). I said I wouldn't sign it until they took out all the stuff about the poor foreigner whose impression of Japan was ruined, and how I implored the court that they be punished severely. I didn't want contribute to ruining their lives. They probably ended up screwed anyway, they'd been doing this to a lot of other people. One conviciton in Japan, even as a youth, is all it takes to ruin your future prospects. I never did find out what happened to them though. ¶ 9:35 PM
